100 Years blessed

Mom has pulled through her bad days... well, most of them anyway! She'll have a good day then a couple of bad days in a row, we never know when we go see her if it's a good one or a bad one. We take what we get.  The good with the bad....

Her birthday is in 6 weeks! 100 years old! I know it is something she doesn't care about, it's just for us. And I am perfectly fine if God calls her to rest before her day of birth. The party, the celebration all of it, is for our own benefit. For us to be able to say 'our mother lived to be 100'. we will say it with pride but it is out of selfishness that we wish her to stay with us till that day.  To her, it doesn't matter, she thinks she is already 100! and In my heart she already has already hit the 100 mark! 

Here is to a long blessed life and thank you for raising 7 great kids! We all love you very much Mom! 

Much Love...

Unconditional Love

It is a rare thing for a person to find the ONE person that really loves them UNCONDITIONALLY. Through thick and thin, sickness and health, for richer or poorer... 

I have been lucky in love, I have that special man in my life.  We knew it from our first date. We were meant to be together, forever!  We've had our rough patches, our arguments, spats.... cross words and disagreements. BUT we've had FAR more good times, times that we are so proud of each other and SO much in love! They outweigh the bad, rough times. I feel blessed, lucky, and very loved! 

I've always wished our girls find that same type of love. I hope they have! I want them to always be as happy as we are.

As our girls grew up and moved out, we found our common ground again and became closer than ever before. Just when it seems we can't love each other any more, something sparks a flame and it grows and grows!

It's very important to take care of each others needs and to UNDERSTAND those needs. Emotionally, physically and in every way! When one falls short, the other has to make up the difference, without complaining and without expecting anything in return. That is one of the secrets to a happy LONG marriage.  Unconditional! Faults and all!

I feel safe in this place called LOVE!

Saying goodbye

I sat with mom last evening and let her know that we would be fine...that if this was her time, if God wanted her to come home,  we understood and we would be alright. She held me close and asked if the others knew..(I am the youngest of 7 children. 2 live out of state) I assured her they all did and asked her if she wanted us to have Kahyt and Mike to come home. She shook her head. A few minutes later, she asked me to help her pray, my brother John, was still there and I asked him to lead. He prayed and I whispered into her ear what he said.. she is pretty much totally deaf at this point...her hearing aids do her little good. After John left, my husband and I sat there, quietly, with her for several hours and let her rest. She slept deeply, then woke with a start and asked if 'they knew' and if the Dr was coming. We assured her everything was alright...it was time for her pain and anxiety meds...so we stayed with her till she fell back into slumber. I played some music as she rested...Glenn Miller, Frank Sinatra and Tony Bennett, she used to love  dancing....all the boys wanted to dance with her when she was younger and she and dad used to go dancing a lot too. I wish I had known her back then! I have only heard stories and I try to remind her of them so she can be in a happier place while she is in pain.  Now, this part is important....she was on the brink of death a year ago...we told her our goodbyes then too. We really did not think she was going to wake up.  But after several hard months, she pulled through. And that wasn't the first time...winter has always been hard on her since dad died. But she always snaps back. Going into it this time though, she was so weak, I'm not sure she has the strength to pull out, or the will?  All I can say, is I'm trying to let her know, that if it IS her time...we are ok. We'll be ok. She can go see the baby she lost when he was 5 months old, she can go be with dad and our brother that passed last April.  Other than doing what I am doing, I have no idea what else I should be doing. I've prayed, I cried my tears out a year ago, I don't have any left right now.  I'm sure I will when the time comes.  Till then, I pray some more, I hold her hand and assure her it's ok and I play some Glenn Miller for her.  Love you Mom 💞

Who am I?

I am, as my title suggests, a wife, a mother/grandmother and a daughter. I am also a sister, sister-in-law, mother-in-law, daughter-in-law, aunt, niece, cousin, neighbor and friend. However, I don't feel like I've done a very good job of any of these. its a long story, that's why I've chosen to blog about it.

This feeling didn't just start yesterday....as our girls were growing up  I thought I was doing a good job, doing the right thing by staying home with them and not sending them to day care. But in doing that, I short changed them of monetary things they think they should have been exposed to as kids.

As a wife, I didn't add to our household income, so now that it's time for my much better half to retire, I've not done much to make our financial status any stronger. I've had several part time jobs and owned several businesses but since I was able to use tax write offs, I've not even got all my points to benefit from social security. The plan is for me to get a job now to make up for that deficit however, I've been sick more than not this past year and a half, so that has been time wasted that I was supposed to be drawing a paycheck.

I don't get the chance to be the grandmother I really want to be...the oldest ones are teenagers and don't want anything to do with either of us, the middle one lives 3000 miles away and the two babies, 2&4 are in day care and when mom and dad are home, they want their time with them...what little time I do get with them, they are tired or sick I don't want to make this a spot where I can whine and complain...I just want to share my frustrations and look inward for ways to feel more complete as a wife, mother/grandmother and daughter....

Speaking of being a daughter...my mom is 8 weeks away from her 100th birthday and all I can do is pray to God that he not let her suffer and take her in her sleep. What kind of daughter prays for God to take her mother? She fell again this week and is in lots of pain...we don't know what to do to give her comfort...so I pray.